Have you set any resolutions for yourself this year? I gave up making New Year’s Resolutions many years ago. Any resolutions I made always resulted in deep angst and self loathing as I consistently failed to maintain them.
This year, I knew I needed to do things differently.
Call it a resolution, or intention, or whatever you like: I HAVE A GOAL. And my goal is to hardwire the habit of daily devotion and movement.
So what is different about this year?
- I set myself up to meet achievable goals.
- I have accountability, through a coach (@cultivatingintentionality) as well as family and friends.
- I repeat constantly: A gentle start is a strong start. (@modernmissmason)
- And perhaps most important of all: I practice self-compassion.
These changes are subtle and significant; I believe that as I work through them, they will eventually lead to my success.
Instead of setting the very high bar of {Read Bible, Journal, Workout: Every Day} I am setting the achievable goal of {Read next segment in Bible Reading Plan & Move My Body Joyfully: 3-4 times a week}.
Instead of thinking that I can pull off this goal on my own strength and determination, I have a coach, Jami Lee Gainey. She has taught me that physical fitness and nutrition are disciplines. And if practiced faithfully, these disciplines will enable me to steward the gift of my body and health, as well as enable me to practice discipline in ALL areas of my life. I have also pulled my family and friends into the endeavour. My hubby knows my intended morning routine, and supports me by shooing the kids out of the room! I have not only asked for, but also offered, accountability to friends who share a similar goal of fitness. Knowing that they are looking to me for accountability and inspiration is extra motivation to press play on that next workout.
Instead of implementing these new habits fully and forcefully, I was struck by the wisdom of Leah Boden: “A gentle start is a strong start.” I’ve started with the mini-goal of three to four times a week, because that is the number of times I have per week with very few or NO obstacles to getting my new routine in.
And perhaps most significantly of all, instead of berating myself for “falling off the wagon,” I choose to practice self-compassion. As an Enneagram 1W2 and a recovering perfectionist, in the past when I failed to meet my goals, however small they may have been, the litany of my wrongs rang through my head: “You’ll never get fit and strong, you can’t even get out of bed to read your Bible!” “You’ll never lose those unwanted pounds, look at the dessert you ate last night!” “You are so bad at finishing what you started, you don’t know how to be diligent.”
That’s a pretty brutal litany to have in my head, isn’t it? Well, this is the year I am going to LET. IT. GO.
If 2020, the global pandemic, and a year of being locked down with only my immediate family for company has taught me anything, it’s this: toxic self-talk and the burden of unrealistic expectations need to go the way of the dodo. Buh-bye!
If I am going to succeed in my goal, if I am going to develop the persistence I desire, then I need to extend compassion inward, to the core of my body, to the core of my being.
Because the hardest part is not necessarily starting, but starting again. My last workout was Monday. And you know what? Here’s the new litany I’m singing out: “You can do this! Look at how you did four workouts last week! That’s four more workouts than you used to get in.” “Hooray! You chose to move your body gently today by choosing yoga instead of cardio. Keep on moving.” “Sure, you took a few days off. Just press play, today.” “You got your workout in today! Way to leap back in! Now you have two days this weekend to get two more workouts in!”
Developing persistence requires compassion. Compassion acknowledges mistakes, or breaks, without guilt or shame. Compassion seeks out solutions that will set up future success. Compassion embraces the ups and down of progress as an opportunity to learn and improve.
Today, I practiced compassion towards myself. Despite not having worked out since Monday, I did my reading and workout as soon as I got up.
And I have set myself up to choose well tomorrow, by setting a space in my room where I can step smoothly into my morning routine. A cozy rocking chair, where I’ll sit and do my morning reading. A sturdy chair, my mat and weights, my workout clothes, where I’ll press play on the next barre class.
Here’s to banishing self-guilt and embracing self-compassion.
~ ~ ~
Tell me: Have you set a goal, intention, or resolution for yourself? What does practicing compassion on your way to persistence look like for you?